The man is composed of more mechanical parts than organic matter; the shimmering metal and computerized wiring replacing not just mere limbs, but entire organs as well. He was

There's an invisible man in my coffee pot. He worked at the CIA for years. He knows state secrets. He was killed in Iran and his essence moved into my coffee pot. Ah, breakfast is

"Flouron is a naturally occurring element, and a Halogen Gas. When Flouron gives up ___ electrons it is capable of bonding to Oxygen to make an element found in toothpaste called,

Waking up with stigmata can be embarrassing if your one stand is sitting around waiting for the breakfast you promised her. "Are you telling me the pancakes were a lie?" The wounds

"CALL THE EXTERMINATOR!" the chef shrieked at the top of her lungs as she burst out of the pantry.

truthfully, my sister was a lesbian. she'd been getting pretty close to me lately, and it freaked me right out. never been into the whole incest thing.

A cardboard box arrived unexpectedly for me in the mail, heavy with its unwanted contents. Dammit, I must have forgotten to

The auto-correct of my iPad makes me look like a moron as it auto-incorrects my typing to make it look like I type in tongues.

A mime is a terrible thing to waste. Just yesterday,

"Hello, America!" shouted a mouse down the microphone. Of course, this being a mouse, it only came out as "Squeak-squeak, Squeeaak!". The President looked baffled. Was this

I never was good at skateboarding. I think it was the jeans, honestly. How am I expected to kickflip with the maneuverability of a hogtied tortoise?

I told the half dozen cats that are holed up under my house that I tolerated them to stay there just in case I had to move in with them once my house remembers who she is. That day

So today started off a bit unusual. It began with activated charcoal, some coffee filters and a whole bunch of alcohol. Luckily, my partner in crime (who rarely steers me in the

The headstone was old and craggy. Hundreds of years had chiseled its elegant flourishes away and left only my name and the words "Mad. Died screaming". Time travel, I'll miss you

la invisible mà dels vents

My own father had said many unforgivable things about Indians even though his grandmother was a full blooded Cherokee. Somehow I always felt ashamed of this fact as if I were here

"husa husa husa com belli ona susa. husi ho husi ho husi ho ho ho"

My wife's parents sat at the dinner table. They judge everything I do. The green beans were tepid, the butter cold, but they liked the meatloaf. I said, "You should it's your daugh

Dennis had never been a popular boy, due to the fact that he couldn't talk to someone without also drawing on their face. This proved especially embarrassing when

Since High School, we have been playing one game of tag for fifteen years,