He dropped into the backfield. Looking for receivers in the endzone. He pump faked, passed to the open receive. A wail erupted, the QB saw that he'd just thrown a baby

Don loved his duck who advised him in all manner of life's ups and downs, and so on the day of his court appearance on charges of insobriety he smuggled in some brewskies and Daffy

The Geomagnetic anomalies make a surgical strike impossible, unleash the

It was the kind of speech that awakens passion you didn't know you had, that makes you say, "The front lines? No biggie." I filled my quiver and charged, one klutzy archer against

Thoughts

It is like this one time our bullfrog told us, "Frogs! 50 of you are going into the pond but only 25 of you are coming back". The other 49 and I froglets looked at each sure that w

My dad always told me love was tricky to find, but he forgot to mention how impossible it was to keep.

We went about our affairs on Earth, confident as rulers of this world while Intellects vast, cool & unsympathetic regarded our planet with envy slowly & surely drawing their plans.

"O my children. Stop your bickering just this once. Make peace with your maker." The voice wasn't really his." He'd passed denial. The asteroid would impact. Others knew, surely.

"What would you do if your son was at home on the bedroom floor, 'cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money? And his daddy's

"Congratulations Ma'am on becoming 120. Can you share the secret of your old age?" "That's easy. Avoid death." "Could you um.. elaborate?" "When he visits the home, I'm not here."

He looked down on his cousin on remote camera and thought "we'll it's your choice. It's just too bad you chose to become a fat bastard I wish you would've chose to become

Thanks to the Motolounger™ you never leave the comfort of your own recliner. It tops out at 20 mi/hr & has a mount for golfbag, a beer tap and a pouch for the remote control.

Take a fist and put it through a Zombies chest, grab whatever hot and salty goo is in there and twist. That's how I like to start my morning. Grim. Fetid. Committed.

The manager wanted to take it one higher, and convinced Newt to appear as Mr. Newton McGrinch for the Xmas show. Comedy & Calamity was preprogrammed when Robin Williams heckled

if you dont pull over im going to scream rape out this window

In a hushed and serious tone Jethro asked Pastor Wheeler if he could have his car when the Raptures came. "I figure you ain't gonna need a Porsche and Scratch cayun't catch no 918

Capt. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Chekov and Lt. Green entered the glade where Pooh and Piglet were trying to restart their bloody chainsaws. Spock held out his tricorder towards them.

Dan stepped into the darkened house. He paused, sensing he wasn't alone. He called out shakily, "Hello?" A long pause, then the lights flicked on. "Surprise! Happy Thanksgivukkah!"

The finger started moving on it's own accord. Why though? Why now? It dragged me across the room, pulling me out the door and on to the streets of London. It was a rainy afternoon