Communication is an act of faith, and I lost all possibility of faith a long time ago.

The crooner was ruining the ambiance around my chicken tenders. "I never had a pa/ Just a picture of U.S. President William Howard Taft and ma," he sang. That would explain

Molotov's attempts to create the perfect strawberry daiquiri had so far proved to be disastrous. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go Slava" sighed taberneiro Stalin sadly,

I couldn't actually believe it because it happened so quickly. My friends walked in the door, picked me up over their shoulders, and threw me in the back seat of their car.

Well fine, there was the time I got completely bombed off of watermelon tequila at the company picnic. You got me. If you want to bring up the old stuff, that's fine. But you still

This is a message saying that the government has NOT been taken over by mutant moth men from outer space. That will be all.

Stephen looked at his mother as she lay on her deathbed. Her final words escaped her mouth. "Stephen...what is love?"

And for the 57th pick of the NFL Draft, the Saint Louis Rams pick

His hands were all over the place.

The ochre yellow oozed off of the canvas in a distinct puddle on the museum floor. The night watchman didn't notice, and casually walked through it.

Out of sight, out of mind.

when i was sleeping while i saw a ghost with blood stained in it"s mouth and was coming towards me with a hamburger with bloody worms and venom of snakes in the burger, i woke up..

It was Joe's idea to eat Tim. I ain't never liked anything more than beef and chicken, so the thought of eatin' Tim turned summersaults in my stomach. Still, 6 days without food

The cat left a deliberately placed turd, like a war declaration from the dark side, in the middle of the left side of the bed. The next day, another on the right side of the bed.

Here's a new twist for Apple Brown Betty: Take 5 good-sized Granny Smith apples, peel, then slice. Let them soak in lemon juice and brown sugar while you grind up a little

Today, I will glue a price tag on an 800 pound barbell, carry it to the supermarket, lay it down on the far end of a cash register's conveyer belt. People will notice something is

I am afraid of parked cars with curve feelers, two toed sloths, windshield wipers that move outwards simultaneously, bad stand-up comedians, surly drive-in attendants,

When the war ended, Derek left the army and spent his war pension on plastic surgery. At first

The white elephant gift exchange party at the office holiday party was an utter disaster. The problem started when Sven didn't understand the colloquialism and showed up with a

We are whirling and twirling out of control, but everything is under control. We are always being controlled, even when we don't know it. Someone has control of the controller.