"That'll be it!" I closed the menu & handed

"That'll be it!" I closed the menu & handed it back to the smiling waitress. "Thank you!" she gushed, "Should only be a few minutes." When she turned & walked away, I noticed she

was topless. Why I didn't notice that before when she was standing right here at my table taking my order, I'll never know. All I was thinking about then was waffles. Her nametag

covered the dotted Sharpie lines for her next boob job. "I like how you cut your waffles into triangles," the waitress said. My brain diverted all power from its flirt detectors to

warp engines at level 6! I watched as the starship I was on moved forward at an impossible speed. "Doctor," I said, "Where are we?" The Tardis behind us was locked up and we were

in another time loop through an inverted wormhole. I tried to think of something intimate to say, but Captain Picard's eyes always made me nervous.

As he leaned towards me, his eyes half-closed with lust, I surged forwards, my lips colliding with Captain Picard's. It was lucious, the kiss. He jumps back in horror, "What the he

ck Data?" I stood aback. " My apologies Captain. I was just trying to understand how human's respond to the tactile contact." "But on the mouth?" My positronic brain had to think

over the ramifications of that. What if his slobber short-circuited my face? I beeped at him and flashed my lights. Data was unperturbed. He reached over and pushed my buttons

"Dammit Data! Now the whole neighbourhood will be woken!" I peeked through the window to see an a torch-bearing mob of angry neighbours heading our way. Data whimpered.