"Great blood and fire. It's hotter here than

"Great blood and fire. It's hotter here than Vulcan's dick." Said the

grandmother at the very moment everyone at church was bowing their heads in silent prayer. Gawd, I loved Grandma! She always said and did the funniest things. I remember one time

she put on this funny mask in the bank. It was sooo silly! Then grandma gave a note to the teller. The look on her face! What a scream! After that we had ice cream.

gave me a killer's glare then grabbed a shovel and started heaving earth onto the casket with gusto. "Help me out here," Grandmother commanded. "I can't wait to dance a jig on her

grave, a really slow jig. Something sexy." Granny was really worrying me now. "What am I thinking? I can't leave you out, let's do a line dance! Watch the headstones."

There were plenty of places for Granny to fall and break her hip again. Some three years later, Dr. Gstygvcghdffy asked me, how she successfully pulled it off. I didn't know!

Then, I asked old Granny one day, finally sick of guessing. "Son," she said in a wheezy voice, "I smoked a lot of marijuana and pleased a lot of men. That's how I pulled it off."

So I was only mildly surprised when 783 old men showed up for grandma's funeral. "She was a helluva lay," each of them whispered to me as they mounded her grave with roses and

HR demands. Demands such as for overtime, reimbursement for prophylactics, Free Clinic bills, STD Awareness Seminars, and Ballroom Dancing lessons. Grandma was a pearl among women.