This is the craziest thing I have ever seen

This is the craziest thing I have ever seen in my life.

I hesitate even to begin to tell what happened. I'm sure my story will be met with ridicule or disbelief at best. So I've resolved to tell it anonymously here. Be warned:

I have NOT assigned my true moniker to this whopper of a tale. Be warned that if you knew who I was that your own head would crawl into your ass. This tale is bloodcurlding awful.

I told it to this guy once. When my words hit his ear, his ear died on impact, just kinda sagged there and turned gray. Before I tell my T-Rex Burger of a story, sign this waiver

e they reach the end..." "Yeah, yeah," Tommy said, "so what's this big mind-blowing story, anyway?" Alfie took a swig of his drink. "It goes like this," he began. "One day, a bear

became Catholic, and the Pope was in the woods, and--" "Wait," I interjected. "I've this one before!" "Oh yeah? Well not the way I tell it. Lend me your ears," Alfie said.

"Alright," I said, shrugging and removing my plastic elf ears. "But if you add your awful Legolas impression into this already offensive joke, don't think I won't storm out."

How it happened, I don't know, but suddenly I was all bristly with arrows and I heard Peter Jackson from on high. He was standing on my head! Thank goodness the craft services cart

had reverted back to itself. "What are you doing up there?!" I called to Peter Jackson. "Looking for King Kong," he replied. "He's out there...somewhere...still."