The beauty of it all was the fact that I

The beauty of it all was the fact that I didn't even have to lift a finger. It was a Sunday like any other. As if part of my routine, I flaunted my ass in front of the Christians

with impunity, cackling with malicious glee as their children beheld my glorious rear. Thanks to that typo in the No Child Left "Unmoored" Act, every church was required to allow

me to moon their Sunday Schoolers while they were tied to anchors to prevent escape. I worked in some "turn the other cheek" jokes when I performed at the Wisconsin Church O'

Hollis Surlysack lived above a bank, so his Ass sits over a million dollars. He pinched a loaf over a lot of dough. He could make a deposit over and inside the bank.

It took half a day to count the coins he brought. There was only so much room in the till. The bank was too big to fail, so such customers kept the liquidity flowing. Despite the

acrid copper smell of pennies, I was happy to have something to do with my hands. But over time, coin counting stopped becoming lucrative. My boss gave me some unfortunate news:

coins were out and wealth had gone completely digital, so I was laid off. I had no idea how I could pay my bills and still have enough to trade for low-end pleasure drips." Jerry H

ended his sad story. Not a dry eye in the stylish salon as the oligarchs imagined a less affluent Jerry H, unable to afford the occasional Euro trip once his bills were paid. "How

now brown cow?" He sniffled pitifully. No one knew how to respond except to gather round him for a group hug.