"Finally! With this atom powered invention

"Finally! With this atom powered invention no one will ever burn their tongue or the roof of their mouth on hot pizza again!" Exclaimed the scientist.

But what he had invented was a biodegradable pizza cover. Hardly anything that would win the science fair, much less the new grant the lab desporately needed. Edible hair gel was

their next attempt. "Style your hair and style your salad! Comes in Blue Cheese, Ranch, and Caesar!" His boss swiveled in his chair. "I think you might have something. Get Vidal."

At least that's what he thought his boss said. But the excitement had plugged his ears. His boss had actually said, "Get the hell out!" and that's how he lost his job at the salon.

He got a job at a saloon so he could just add an 'o' to his business cards and save a trip to Kinko's. "Would you care for a makeover?" he asked a gruff patron playing darts. "Eyel

ashes are so last season, so I could burn yours off, and you could certainly use a beard trimming. The cowboy downed his beer, his shot, and pulled a pistol from his boots

of ass-kicking. "Any man, woman, or child tries to trim this beard gets a belly full 'o lead. Got it?" The cowboy then downed another beer, another shot, and ambled over to the

and of another sexual orientation," he said, "I'd want to tickle you ivories." The redhead hopped off the piano and leaned over, a genuine smile on her face. "And I would want to

"take your money!" She took the dice out of his hand and threw them across the table. Two sixes. Just my luck. I took the ivories in my hand and gave them a shake. Here we go.