I am a member of the US Dragoons, here to

I am a member of the US Dragoons, here to fight in the Indian Wars to get Texas annexed into Uncle Sam's Union. I am also a giant Mackeral. It is my shame.

into an oncoming train in order to end my misery only to discover I am immortal. The derailment caused 127 fatalities. When the sentence was conveyed -- forever, in solitary -- I

couldn't believe it. I had pleaded guilty to manslaughter but the court wouldn't have it. They were convinced that I had intentionally used my immortality to commit murder.

Although with my immortality I tried to do good in the world, I was only pleading guilty to get a lower sentence, and I didn't want the spend the rest of my life in prison.

Luckily, I was given another choice. I could become a secret agent...an unpaid agent. To pay of my sentence I was required to solve unexplained and surreal crime cases. i did not

Hesitate to take these cases on. They made good folding stories! Indeed, this was what happened.but I digress...a secret agent had all expenses paid. Food, hotels, Transit, etc.

"I see what you are getting at Mr. Blonde. Yes, Her Majesties purse will pay for your companions when for Official State business.

"In that case I'll take two chimpanzees in muu-muus," said James Blonde, "and make sure they're drunk." Well, Her Majesty's Secret Service refused his request on the grounds that

muu-muu's are out of production, and chimp' right's activists have been cause too much trouble lately. The handsome spy accepted the second place prize, a collectible key chain.