Jesse crumbled to the ground and blood spewed

Jesse crumbled to the ground and blood spewed from his mouth like water from a cupid statue in one of those old cartoons. Jim hobbled to his brother and started screaming

"Look in my eyes! What do you see? The cult of personality!" And his dying brother sputtered, "Not now, God please not now." Jim was wearing a body glove wetsuit and then

started to glow. His eyes and his face turned fierce. The wet suit began to change shape. Vernon Reid started shredding

tasty waves as the first set rolled into the north shore. His cutbacks were so tight it was like he was surfing on an Exacto knife. Vernon's nickname was The Chandelier because

he made the edge of the wave look like shattered glass after a few passes. Soon his skill was such that he cut portraits of presidents into the wave. His new nickname 'Mt. Vernon'

Dursley' of Harry Potter fame. The Dursleys had moved stateside after the "incident" and were now watching the game with typical British stoicism. Dudly spoke, "Mummy, I want a

meal once a week not every two." Petunia smiled, "Oh but Duddy, the fortnightly meal would be quite a bit bigger than the weekly.." laughing maniacally she sent Harry off to school

. I, Duddy, had to face it then. My little Petunia was stark raving mad. It was all my fault, really. If her mother and had just listened to the child psychiatrist back then and

accepted that little Petunia was really a little Jack-in -the-Pulpit, none of this would have happened. (Psychiatrists are always right in these matters.)Can Little Petunia forgive

the denial of her carnivorous nature? The answer is no. She lures insects into her waxy tube and plots revenge. Her name's Jack now, btw.