She sat squinting at the muted commercial.

She sat squinting at the muted commercial. She loved car commercials. Then she farted on the couch and it sounded like a sea gull under a blanket. Then

the blanket rose several feet in the air and the gull took flight. I'd never seen helium pass entirely through a person before, but her flatulence floated the blanket to the roof

and then some. When she spoke, her words - which should have been terrifying - were laughable as the helium caused her to squeak in threatening cartoon voice. Tension and hilarity

pierced the room like a hooker farting in church. Her high-pitched voice squeled, "You son of a bitch, I will cut off your cock and balls if you don't

cut off your cock & balls!" As for myself, faced with such a life & gender altering decision, I'd run away very quickly indeed & hide all sharp objects. But then, one must consider

ome's honor, because the rules of Simon Says are clear and inflexible. So I returned to the game and did my best to stand on point. "Simon says do the Can Can came the next command

Unfortunately, I did not know that dance. "Can Can I Do Do another Dance Dance Revolution?" Simon was flummoxed. He knew that such requests should be submitted in writing. However,

As Simon can't spel to save his life... "Is it like, a kind of Can-can?" I said, bemused. " In my case, it's more a Can't-Can't" said Simon, sighing forlornly. He bit his

the half-empty glass of milk would cheer him up, even though it went spectacularly with his chocolate bar. No, he was bound to his misery and so, spitefully spilled the milk.