Sir Chivalry got fired from the National

  • Sir Chivalry got fired from the National Global Local Gazebo Corporation.

  • For he had burnt down the National Global Local Gazebo, causing widespread panic within the ranks of the organization, but little did everyone else know,

  • he had been paid to do it. The arson was an inside job. Mr. Eli Zittle, majority shareholder in National Global Local Gazebo CO (NYSE: NAGLOGA) offered him the lawn furniture of

  • The previous owners, who obviously loved retro designs. I told X, "This looks like Eero Saarinen!" as meanie martinis were served to all. It was unprecedented because it was so

  • reminiscent of the cool future people aspired to in the mid-1960s, but all the designs were completely fresh. "Invite the aliens round for drinks?" murmured X as the real estate ag

  • ent's eyes widened noticeably. "Seems reasonable, I guess..." And so it was that X, the real estate agent and the band of merry aliens sat down and opened a bottle of

  • Coke, rose again, and gave a rousing rendition of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing". It thrilled X that, somewhere in the galaxy, was a species more tone deaf than himself.

  • More tone deaf, perhaps, than even the Phflaglarrs of Xeizra. I know how everyone says that commercial jingles are the hardest songs to sing, but when it's pudding-like creatures

  • with epiglottises like wilted blossoms, the sound can be quite distressing. But it was their only defense, so they raised their gelatinous heads and began their song. Their enemy

  • didn't notice the peril for close to an hour, having left countless gelatinous heads in flames behind them. The flames & the lingering song made quite a large planet smasher. Fin.



  1. Woab May 01 2017 @ 12:09

    Gracious! I didn't realize that gelatinous heads were so flammable.

  2. LordVacuity May 01 2017 @ 13:13

    Yeah, that was Custer's doing. Their ancestors had hired him while he was briefly back at the Past Future between adventures. The asked him to come up with the perfect defense for their progeny who would be pacifist by design but pissed off if not remembered. So he designed that song and gene splicers did the rest.

  3. LordVacuity May 01 2017 @ 13:25

    And he only charged them a measly 400% over the agreed to price. Which they conveniently kept forgetting to pay. Which is exactly the reason they needed defenses in the first place. They were a planet of grifters. For the first 40 generations their ancestors were considered traitors for making them the deal that had saved their Being. They were only allowed to live if they were rendered pacifist by design. This was deemed appropriate based on the strange belief that bunko was violence to reason. Different scenes for different beings.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!