I have been a security guard at Freddy Fazbear's

I have been a security guard at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza for so long. But I am in danger of being stuffed into a suit by the animatronics.

I put my back to the door and slid to the ground. I began sobbing and buried my face in my hands; I was just like the rest, another mindless drone, writing "Five Nights" fanfiction

in the dark solitude of my cold-water flat. I had dreams once - but those dreams had been consumed like dry leaves in a fire; consumed by fucking animatronic furries. Time to die.

I let the note drift out of my hand theatrically and closed my eyes waiting for the fire to engulf me. But the f&cking animatronic furries put it out with cold water from the bath.

These Ray Harryhausen rejects ticked and tocked buckets sloshing tepid soap-clouded bathwater to the flames.Their shadows danced on the wall and my note, wet on the floor, blurred

my message into incoherency. My only way out was to disguise myself as one of them and make a break for it, once outside. Luckily, they were too dumb to notice. A storm was brewing

some rough horse hides out behind the latrines. The smell of hides, shit & piss, and rain suddenly fell away as overall there hung a sharp stench of corruption and tomato kechup.

My mouth watered as I recognized those delicious scents. It was a trap, I felt sure, and yet I could not resist. Inching out from my hiding place, I spotted the Golden Arches. OMG!

It WAS a trap. The sign was a misprint. It read “Golden Arches.” What they meant was “Golden Archies.” Archie, Betty, and Jughead took orders and sang “Sugar, Sugar.” I was pissed.