When I made an involuntary exit from anesthesia

  • When I made an involuntary exit from anesthesia I was disturbed to discover my surgeon, Dr. Mallard wearing google glass and googling appendectomy whilst elbow deep in my giblets.

  • A nurse noticed my terrified eyes following the ash dropping into my gaping abdomen from Dr Mallard's roll-up & chucked a kidney at the anaesthetist who was playing solitaire

  • with Mahjong tiles, across my sheet-covered legs. The nurse could have pitched for a major league baseball team - the kidney hit Dr Mallard square in the face, I kid you not.

  • Because I never kid. I josh you. I tease you. I pull your leg. But I never kid. I am, they say, the most adult narrator in the known literary universe. That's why I tell duck stori

  • es to the blind. There is lots of quacking involved & it is fun describing duck blinds to the blind. Just in case you hadn't caught that one we threw in an unwed pregnant playpus.

  • "Platypi are free!" the pregnant platipus protested, "We don't need a piece of paper to be devoted parents!" "Shut your bill, Billie Jean!" yelled her religious fanatic mother,

  • However, Michael Jackson was not her father.

  • And neither was Billie Jean his lover.

  • Billie Jean was incapable of love and friendship. Years of childhood abuse plus a birth defect replacing many of his extremities wiyh corkscrews had killed any empathy he may have

  • gotten. He worked as a wine steward, using his corkscrew fingers. One day he dropped trou before a pretty woman, revealing a very excited corkscrew down there & ending his career.



  1. Woab Apr 11 2020 @ 13:44

    After that he had no choice but to become a surgeon. He hung a plaque by his front door, which read: "Doctor Billie Jean Mallard, Appendectomist, Quack."

  2. SlimWhitman Apr 11 2020 @ 15:33

    Nice postscript Woab! So glad i can visit the site again too, and right of the bat, I read a quacking good story I started almost 7 years ago!

  3. Flopp Apr 11 2020 @ 16:22

    That's the beauty of it all... Like little time capsules.

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