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We are born to die, and we die to live, so

  • We are born to die, and we die to live, so what's the point in living life if it just contradicts?

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  • To pound half of every contradiction into submission until it converts. "I've got the concept of "being born to die" surrounded, Commander!" said Officer We Die To Live. "Orders?"

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  • "My order to you is to die", replied the commander, "dying will make you live, because then you will be free." I looked at him with astonishment. "You should never throw away your

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  • life over a purse," said I, "the designers come out with new ones every year anyway." "True that," he replied. We then proceeded to the garden together and observed the tomatoes.

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  • After about an hour of contemplating their juicy red roundness, I said to him, "Well, ready to go purse shopping?" "A-yup," he agreed. We headed downtown. Kate Spade, Coach, Prada,

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  • and Joann's fabrics are my favorite stores. He and I were just goo-goo ga ga over shopping together. He, an salty fishing dude from Bangor, Maine, and I was just thrilled to death.

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  • Lady Gaga spotted the meat cleaver she needed and asked us how much we were selling it for. It was not for sale, but Lady Gaga could carry it home in her green van. Imagine that!

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  • You axe me, how come? I tell you, who are we to ax? Ax Lady Gaga, not me. Lady Gaga trundled off in her funky green van with our ax running shotgun. We reported her.

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  • Lady Gaga retaliated by sending us a funky green clown with an axe around midnight. Yes, it was the famous Boingeaux the Clown but the years of being French had not been kind to

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  • the French sense of humor and Boingeaux The Clown looked it. The Clowns of Facebook would fill their oversized clown shoes when they lost their shit if they ever ran into him. Fin.

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