One day i was walking to Kroger and i saw

One day i was walking to Kroger and i saw a chip on the floor, but for some reason i felt compelled to pick it up. I picked it up and it turned out to be a huge scorpion.

whose arms and legs had somehow come off. Now, I had heard about people eating scorpions before, so I decided "What the heck?" and just went for it. I have to say, it was...

the most delicous thing i had ever eaten. The poison in the scorpion added just the right flavor to make the rest of it taste like

large sacks of decaying fecal matter. In an instant, my tongue went numb and it started to spread through my body like an anesthetic, numbing everything. I fell and eventually went

all kablooey, which is what my uncle Mort used to say after his fifth shot of scotch. I laid their like a sack of excrement, next to the sacks of decaying fecal matter, buzzed like

a Prom Queen at the after-party, but with substantially less pomp and certainly more unfortunate circumstance. The stench was starting to get to me and I wished I could feel my leg

but the obese prom queen was not standing up & no less flatulent. Who the hell would vote for the farting whale? I could only feel my arms by this point so I started punching her.

Pay off that parking ticket. How I was supposed to know you can't park near the giraffe entrance at the midget mall. Giraffes never go there anymore, everybody knows that.

Everyone except, of course, your mom. She's so fat she... oh, forget it.