Jeremy had a time machine and sent himself

Jeremy had a time machine and sent himself back before The Singularity to a time when things made sense and people could speak in sentences instead of bobbling around like fish in

hamster balls. Unfortunately for Jeremy, time-traveler, his skill set was very limited. 3-D mind coding of biaural energy wasn't even on anyone's resume at Monster. McDonald's

was hiring, but the time-traveler knew that it would still be a few decades before McDonald's would become a massive shareholder for the U.N.'s nuclear stronghold. So he applied

the Heisenberg uncertainty principle to the McRib. Through his maniacal trime-traveler calculations he'd determined that the McRib should "come and go." At first McD's CEO was

laughed at and pointed at by lesser men. But every time the McRib came back again, sales went bananas. An underling came up with the idea to do the same thing with fries. When they

launched this marketing strategy with both McRibs AND french fries (also known as "The Scarcity Principle"), mile-long lines formed, there were traffic jams everywhere, & fights br

oke out among customers. Billions and billions of fights. Ray Croc prolly never imagined this! The scarcity of the McRib & french fries required the National Guard to be called up.

The sheeple were addicted to junk food. Ray Croc pondered all day breakfast service, since some customers woke up at noon. Some woke at 3pm. They craved Egg McMuffins and the rest.

The Happiest Place on Earth had become the Deadliest Place on Earth, and the gutters ran with the over-sugared blood of the innocent. But eh, in four years we can vote again.