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It was an oasis in an otherwise stressful

  • It was an oasis in an otherwise stressful time in my life. It was a pleasure to lose myself in the world of

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  • cotton candy. I found an ad for the class in the back of the Onion and signed up for no good reason. Now, covered in sticky spun sugar, I saw life

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  • was not so sweet after all. I ran through the streets to end my grief at the harbor bridge but kept accumulating objects that stuck to my sticky pink cocoon.

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  • of Cotton Candy. Boy I had really pissed off that Guy at the Cotton Candy booth. I'm glad I didn't try the same thing at the rifle range. 22's may be small, but they Smart

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  • ass kids these days. Smart ass. Why just the other day when I was talking to Kletus, this kid come up on my lawn. I said beat it kid and he called me a

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  • Miley Cyrus wanna be. Who in their right mind raises their kids to say such vile things to a member of the Sister Lutheran Gun Club? WHO? Midget strippers that's who. And lemme

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  • git wit da girlies. That's all i ever wanted anyway. They's purty and all soft and stuff. So what if they's midgets?

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  • This seemed like as good a reason as any to engage in unprotected sex that night. Boy was I wrong.

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  • Not because I ended up having any sex, mind you, but because of the crotch-height flamethrowers that were strategically placed around every street corner. "What in the world are

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  • doing, living in a place where the local government would pass such legislation? What good does our community reap from constant crotchfires?" I never got a real answer.

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