Five inches. That was the sad part. It

Five inches. That was the sad part. It was just five inches short, but it could never be fixed.

So the doctor told him. Deciding Hamsters were as good as children he visited the pet shop on the way home and bought a couple. Unfortunately

the couple were nolonger potty trained. Gerty complained about her corns joints & Ed her deaf husband who hardly talked or ran in his wheel. I tried returning them to the petshop

but the employee said I needed to have a receipt as proof of purchase. Next, I tried abandoning them in the shopping centre, but before I escaped they put an announcement over the

intercom telling people I was stealing. It would be hard to get out of this. I decided on the only logical action: I screamed. Before I could blink, eight ninjas came to my aid. I

knew I could only use that power once, but this was obviously the right time. For ninjas aren't only master fighters, they're also master debaters. "Our friend wasn't shoplifting!"

"Your friend wasn't shoplifting!" repeated the guard obediently. "He needs to be compensated with a 42" plasma hdtv!" I pressed my mind-ninja luck. "He needs..why you @#$%" Uh-oh.

"I'm not going to give you a blow job," said the security guard grabbing the 42" plasma hdtv from my friend's hands and knocking him down in the process. Out came the baton. Cold

, hard and unforgiving, but with twinkly streamers hanging from both ends, which sparkled when the security guard twirled it. Hypnotized, my friend and I lay beside the stolen TV