Drop those rocks and grab your socks. it's

Drop those rocks and grab your socks. it's time to quit wading and put your shoes back on. Your mom is going to kill me for letting you get this wet. Rock skipping was never this

exciting with mom. She just had us throw flat round stones in the water. On weekends with dad, we'd get tanked up on Budweiser, strip down to our skivvies and end up with a

severe hangover and bruises. Our full contact stone skipping with dad always met with the sharp eye of disapproval from mom. "Why are you boys so violent?" I just grinned.

Should I tell mom that I tell mom the human flesh tastes like smoky head cheese? I decided that Mama would be mad at her little Jeffrey if she ever found out so I said

I wished I was adopted, as usual, so she didn't suspect anything. Over the years, Mama amassed quite a collection of corpses, which her little Jeffrey had to butcher and keep

congealed in our freezer. One day we had a BBQ, and we ran out of sausages and burgers, and Uncle jimmy found Mr. Apu's ribs. "This'll make a nice

finisher with my special sauce". But Aunt jen recognized the taste of long pork & suspected her husband of a ghastly deed. She could hardly explain what piqued her suspicion since

slimy, fetid curing. She became known as the "mad, fart-smelling old sausage-mouth lady". She was so horrid even the neighborhood kids wouldn't tease her. Everyone wanted her to go

to the leper colony, and then they would welcome new neighbors to her former abode. But it would be a while yet before she passed away, all else had failed.