Je t'aime, I thought as I looked in the mirror,

Je t'aime, I thought as I looked in the mirror, noting the bulldozer pulling up behind me.

"Oh, oui" I said aloud. "Vous etes un chien sexy". I saw Etienne hop off the bulldozer and head toward me, still not turning from the full-length mirror. She had been

looking at herself while she drove the bulldozer, which is just like that conceited vamp, and she had run over a little boy who was playing in the yard. I shouted at her

because the lawn had been so impeccably manicured and the judges for the neighborhood committee's contest of impeccable lawns was due any minute. Just then a flying saucer landed

smack dab in the middle of the poorly manicured lawn. Panic arose throughout the neighborhood. Just as the owner of the lawn was going to run away

he thought better of it. By God he had lived in this house for years. Let the others run away. He was here to stay. He popped open a beer and took a swig. The lawn remained

a lawn. He remained a drunken bastard. He swigged. He guzzled. He belched. A cockroach or spider or something crawled across his foot. He stomped, missed by inebriated inches.

His foot was impaled on a rusty spike, which he looked at with vague interest before opening a fresh bottle of Johnny Walker Red, swigging, and guzzling anew. "What was the nature

of angry elephants anyways?", I pondered for I was watching Dumbo on the soul stealing channel called Disney Channel.After I finished my drink. I decided to go on ebay and look for