The barbells were cluttered across the floor

The barbells were cluttered across the floor like tiny monuments to the death of his physique. Once upon a time he'd been hot as hell. Women's fingers played across his rippling ab

by making him a narcissist which he totally loved. So he

masturbated to home movies. This disturbed his roommates - both because of the context and the fact he did it in the living room when people were over. This is why he

joined the travelling circus, for self-pleasuring was his only trade. He became known around the globe as the man who could jerk off to anything. One day, however,

would become known infamously as..."The snap heard round the world". Angry masturbation was not for the faint of heart, after all. The poor man tried to once more caress his bent

ding-dong. Alas, there was nothing that could be done to straighten out his once glorious manhood. "I only have one option!" he thought thought to himself

with bittersweet finality. Sharpie in hand, he drew a moustache and eyes above his member, totally nude. This would be a puppet show his son's fifth grade class would not forget

soon. Well, until the parents could afford a good psychiatrist. As he waited, his member quivered in anticipation. "Soon, my pet. Soon."

"Stop calling me that!" replied the only kid who'd shown up to the call-out meeting. "And it's FREEZING in here! Can I borrow that jacket?" "Nope," he said. "It's Member's Only."