The hotel door bust open as I was jumping

The hotel door bust open as I was jumping naked on the beds throwing $10,000 in the air and rolling around in all the cash. The money I found was apart of a "What Would You Do"

with Chris Hanson, or was it John Matarese? Damnit, no, Hanson does the show about perverts & Matarese is the "Dont Waste your $" guy on channel 9. Anywhoo, I'm naked in a hotel w/

a large stack of glossy magazines. Sorry if that's TMI. I can't quite decide what to read first: Consumer Reports, Popular Mechanics, or Sports Illustrated. I guess I'll just

go outside and see if my kidnapped slave laborer is done cutting the grass. I usually threaten to throw crickets on her if she doesn't move fast enough or is she fiddles with my

collection of decapitated heads. You know it's quite difficult to even get the heads perfectly preserved, and it's difficult when human oils mix onto them.

collection of dime-size dandruff flakes. There were collections of collections notices. Collections of collections of collections. This is where the universe's index existed.

God has OCD. Explains a lot, no? He collected civiilzations like others collect unminted coins, nail clippings or ex's. I furtively flipped through the Universe Index's rollodex

. I had to work quickly. God would be back at any moment. Let's see: Aztec, Chinese, Egyptian...I flipped through God's civilation rolodex faster & then I spotted it: Yzanti. AHA!

Actually, I misread it too quickly and accidentally nabbed the Ypsilanti, MI card by mistake. Oopsy-daisy. Oh well, at least I cited my sources, and that's all that counts!