Weeks before Christmas, I was still clueless

Weeks before Christmas, I was still clueless on what to get my wife. My plan to secure a rare bottle of Pizza Hut Perfume, so she could smell like fresh bread and spices failed me.

When Christmas Eve came by, I still had nothing, and the worst part is she had been giving me hints like: "Oh I just love the smell of freshly baked deep-pan pepperoni pizza"

Do you know how hard it is to find bodywash that smells like pepperoni pizza? All I could find was vanilla and strawberry, nothing even close to pepperoni. I'm screwed. It's Xmas

and I am so fucking tired of smelling like a pine tree. I even poured chicken noodle soup all over myself today in order to get a change of odor. Its actually not all the bad ex

cept that now grizzly bears want to simultaneously eat me and crap on me at the same time. If I had my druthers, I'd rather smell like pumpkin pie. You want a piece of me, huh?

The grizzly bear pie throw and dedicating contest was not going as planned. Some of the contestants were Koalas who are not bears and were not interested in throwing pies. Pandas

really have a hard time conceiving in captivity. At least that's what's written in the stall in the men's room. There's also this lurid arrow that pointing in a bizarre fashion

To the jokes made about the pregnant man who appeared three times on oprah winfrey's show some years back. She had some strange guests on her talk show, indeed.

That being said, he fit in quite well with all of the expecting father's in the audience. Striving to be a role model for others in his situation, he kept his cool.

Even hearing the sound of his wife's water breaking from the next chair over, he was still chilled as a cucumber. The delivery of his baby goat son, however, was another story.