The Blond took the news of her pregnancy

The Blond took the news of her pregnancy calmly, then as if a light had come on she perked up. "Is it mine" she asked. "No it's your mothers, your having a Sister." ."April fool"

"Fool, what?" she replied. "And my name's not April." Sigh. That blond was no dye job, but she was knocked up. Look, I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't me. She had

an alibi, the previous night she had spent watching Twilight with her eager boyfriend. The detective accepted her story and didn't care for more details, the blond girl was not the

culprit. However, she was so sexy that the detective completely forgot about the case and kissed her at that instant. That was a big mistake because they were being watched by

and caused the 3-year-old victim's jaw to detach from the outward pressure of the mysteriously-expanding skewered candy treat. Dick Tracy swore never to purchase another lollipop.

Because the last time she bought a lollipop so jerky owl took it upon himself to answer her question and in a fit of know-it-allism had eaten the lollipop. Stupid owl, so

this time she caulked the lollipop with heavy duty boat sealant and then anodized it with a layer of titanium. Let's see the owl lick his way to the center of that.

Unfortunately, the sealant was Flex Seal. It flaked off and fell harmlessly to the ground, taking the titanium and most of the candy coating with it. Two moist licks sufficed.

The owl responded, "Ah one, ah twooo, ACH!" and choked on the titanium. Tootsie was sued by the Sierra Club for spotted owl endangerment. The turtle went into witness protection.