I'd been preparing for this moment for years

I'd been preparing for this moment for years but you know you'll never really be ready. Still, this was it. I was filled with a mixture of dreaded anticipation and nervous glee. In

retrospect it was rather anticlimactic. Everyone came on time. The Bride was radiant. The best man remembered the ring. Everything went as planned except the Amy wasn't marrying me

she was marrying my twin brother. I was in my tux in a utility closet bound with duct tape. Even as a kid, he was always trying to 'one up' me. Now he has Amy. I pounded the door.

Which knocked my evil twin brother's bowling ball collection off the top shelf. They slammed into my head, knocking me out cold. Amy would unwittingly marry him, but the blood

-line they shared led to physically defective children. Amy's newborn daughter had a bowling ball-shaped head, complete with thumb holes. "She's easy to carry," my evil twin re

plied, "Just make sure her legs don't drag along the floor". I looked at him, perplexed, and shouted:"How can you be such a dork!" He just chuckled and shrugged his shoulders,

and we both hauled her body to the storage room of Fedex-Kinkos in Westwood. Sometimes working kinkos is weird, but I try to not to think about it. I just do what Jacoby says and I

lift boxes. Sometimes the boxes are heavy and soggy but Jacoby says "Don't you mind." I trust him. He wouldn't make me lose my job at Kinko's, would he?

Then I remembered that when he worked at Petco he had a game of convincing customers to try dog treats, and at the bank he tried to convince his clients to rob it. Jacoby had a way