I think I lost a friend. Well, they haven’t

I think I lost a friend. Well, they haven’t been a particularly good friend to me recently anyway. As with all my friends, I still love her, and that’s why what she says to me

"I hate you. I never want to see you again," she says. I was hurt, I ran away from her hoping to never see her again. I yelled "my life is over!" into the pouring rain.

But I only got as far as "my life is o--" because a fuzzy kitten fell into my open mouth. It was raining cats & dogs! Whaaa?? A fat puppy fell at my feet. Awww, they were both so

flat and bloody from bouncing off the ground. As the cats and dogs rained down I squinted at the heavens. In the clouds. A saucer, it's giant hose was shooting domesticated animals

which was no bother until it released a "domesticated" alligator who had killed its owner in a murder-suicide. "This solves our strays problem, but introduces many more!" Cat sleet

followed on dog hail, and soon, everyone I knew was quite sick of being sold cute "domesticated" pets that later proved susceptible to BOTH murder AND suicide (in that order)!

Clearly our domestication process was being actively thwarted by someone somehow. These pets should not be able to kill and maim like this. Unless it was in the code! "Get Kermit!"

This was possible only because of the genius of Thomas Edison and many other inventors. These pets were guinea pigs and I took three years to retrain them. How to

I took Thale to a sale and we both saved so much that we took the savings and bought matching custom t-shirts that said "Beast Friends 4Ever!!!". And then we got smoothies.