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I always get the best fortune cookie fortunes.

  • I always get the best fortune cookie fortunes. This one told me that I would

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  • soon become the chosen one, and that I should expect to meet Eddie Murphy and he would help save me from

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  • those bastards at McDonald's. They were running my McDowell's franchise into the ground and I needed someone who could

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  • make a fat free big mac. It ends up that person dropped dead. The grim reapers now stands between me and my

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  • Toyota Prius. Turns out if you want fries with that, a zipcar rental is the wrong way to go. They charged me for

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  • a cheese burger and a shake and the car broke down halfway there. Next time

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  • he would buy a salad instead. For now, he was stranded, steam blasting from the engine. He had no idea how he'd get to

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  • Narnia, so he decided to look for the closest lion, witch, and wardrobe. Instead, he came across a troupe of circus

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  • peanuts.

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  • what the heck am i going to do with peanuts?? i'm allergic to peanuts!! but i decided to eat one...

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