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"Who the hell wears a fedora in church?"

  • "Who the hell wears a fedora in church?" she said. "Does he think we're going to encounter a sword wielding Arabian Nazi sympathizer in Bethesda?" I jumped up and donned my turban

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  • and screamed, "It's Halloween you uptight bitch! Live a little!" I grabbed out kid and threw her into the tub of water and apples. This Halloween daddy's dressed up and ready

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  • for action. She was going to be bobbing for more than apples in a few minutes. She was going to bob for her life. Little did I know at the time, but

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  • Rupaul had a gun to her head, while donning a fierce ruby red gown with flaming red hair and bright blue eyeshadow. Rupaul said, "Bitch, you betta work as you bob on that

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  • mortal coil." She looked at him with a countenance of confusion; which Rupaul violently slapped off. "Just what do you think you're doing?" he demanded to know, as she whimpered in

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  • some mandarin dialect resembling Klingon. Her words may have been lost on the room, but her intentions were clear. She would never let the parrot out alive! Her wand began to

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  • do wand-like stuff. The parrot di parrot-like stuff. It would be a classic "stuff against stuff". The crowds all ran for the exit. The freshly waxed floor took a beating.

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  • Mothers abandoned their children. Children abandoned their pets. Pets evacuated their bowels. The freshly waxed floor took another beating.

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  • This madness that was American Idol, destroyer of civilization, whore of the world, had to end. Sliding across the slimy floor,

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  • Seacrest stopped himself from running away when he remembered they were LIVE.He asked to dim the lights,gave results and only then talked Simon out of his madness.

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