When he sat in the chair the world zoomed

When he sat in the chair the world zoomed around him. It was like watching a movie in fast forward. He stood up and noticed that 100 years had gone by. His wife was dead now and

that was a relief. Her constant droning had turned into a high pitch whine that was making his ears bleed and was scrambling his brains like a cuisinart. He grabbed a Q-tip and

and jammed it into her ear. Better her than him. He was a bread winner and had a family to support two states away where his ex-wife tramped it up with anyone willing to donate

pita, naan, challah. His ex-wife was not choosy about her carbs or her men. She knew which side of the bread Ben was buttered. Let's just say he was into orange marmalade.

That's right, he was into sex with furniture. It wasn't my business... until he turned up on the evening news. Now everyone would know about his affair with the loveseat. Mortified

I glanced down at the suddenly conspicuous stain on the edge of the cushion. And was that lipstick on the armrest of my ottoman? My blood ran cold.

My memory had just been sold. The sofa was being loaded onto the junk truck by a total babe. I was shy I turned away before she caught my eye. No no I can't deny it, yes yes

I realized that her head bobbles were trying to tell me something. My inner geek kicked in. I realized that her nods, when converted from binary, made the number 456. But 456 what?

At last it dawned on me. The bobbles on her head where just mistakes in the knitting! My inner geek hyperthetically looked sheepish, and decided to stick to fixing computers.