"Bread pudding is exactly how I got in such

"Bread pudding is exactly how I got in such amazing shape!" Arnold Schwarzenegger definitely never said.

But I was a trailblazer. "Gimme some more bread puddin', ma. I need to mop up this gravy." I could feel the carb train making its way to my bulging biceps. Bench presses were a fad

ing glory when health mattered, but now that we can inject our minds into computers, we can treat our bodies like crap until they give out. This is called the Sensory

Transference Disease. It's the modern STD. Even if your body is disposable do you think just because your mind is in silico, that viruses and parasites are a thing of the past?

Something small & black crawled out of his nostril as he spoke, giving credence to his explanation of this new postmodern STD. I saw him scratch inappropriately at his silico glans

which reflexively began scratching him back. Technology is disgusting. The tiny spider stopped on his chin, and then dropped to the ground. It began unraveling, growing, rumbling.

It unwound itself like pencil scribbles and reassembled itself into a nightmarish jabberwock, gallumphing like nobody's business. I felt a little like Chief over the Cuckoo's Nest,

This Autopoint pencil was aptly named. It had a mind of its own. I drew all night using it on the plotter and it made a mandala. It even left me a note written on scrap paper:

"You used me so much last night, I need to charge! Buy a charger on Amazon for only $29.99!" After receiving the note, I realized that the one flaw of the Autopoint pencil was: