"Am I dead?" I wondered. The light at the

"Am I dead?" I wondered. The light at the end of the tunnel I was always told about was nowhere to be seen. I just floated gracefully until I ran into what appeared to be

a marble obelisk. At its top was a blue flame giving off a modest light that shown only on my person. However, this light only got brighter, revealing more scenery.

Eventually, it illuminated a wooden sign that read, "Cataract Swamp." "Who needs a GPS?" I quipped to Katrice, my increasingly weary prisoner of love. "We've almost made it to

the that pizza place you love so much!", when I said that I suddently realized that my love was getting fat, no fat wasn't enough, she was getting obese. Tears started to run in my

lion, with the tail of a snake. It made me realize he was some kind of Manticore. I had no idea what to do in these

spanx. It was cutting off the circulation to my head. I was all purple and blustery. I saw a Manticore, a dragon, a griffin, a chimera. I asked them for tea and

they proceeded to murder me in fantastical ways. In my next life, I tried the same thing again, but with a kind-eyed centaur. His eyes quickly lost their kindness, and his hooves

quickly turned to gelatin. I was amazed and decided to marry him only to find out

on the wedding night that gelatin was not only non-vegetarian, but also surprisingly volatile. Needless to say, PETA weren't at all happy.