I was watching Little House on the Prairie

I was watching Little House on the Prairie with my wife when suddenly my cell phone rang. It was work. It was an emergency. It was almost midnight.

Grabbing my tools, I kissed my wife quickly. I hit the sirens and peeled out the garage. The headlights reflected the rain-soaked streets. When a Roomba needs repairs, I am there.

Because that's who I am. Bob the Builder, fearlessly braving wind, rain, or even spaghetti tornadoes. Come rain or snow cones, I will fix your

children until they are drones with only one purpose: consume goods. They call me Bob The Builder because I build

a life for myself in spite of the constant bobbing of my head. It all started the day I ran away from my middle-class suburban life to join a convent of pigeons, who convinced me

That it was perfectly normal for a grown man to live with a bunch of pigeons. The food was less to be desired, but when the birds weren't looking, I would sneak away from the park

for some human comforts,a nice home cooked meal:veggies & stuffed sqaub. Mmmh. But when I returned I was like a cat among pigeons. They looked at me with suspicion - a stool pigeon

escaped my mouth when I opened it to yawn. It was a tiring day and my eyelids started to feel heavy. I lay down on the mat in front of the fireplace and watched the flames dance

, wondering in my semi-consciousness why I was here, what it was all about, and what I was supposed to do next. I did what any normal depressed person would do: I fell asleep and

struggled to lucid dream about ponies, to escape the grating malaise of reality into the illusion that life could be worth living, but it always slipped out of my grasp.