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Just got out of the hospital. Only hurts

  • Just got out of the hospital. Only hurts when I laugh. Feeling fine. I am alive and well. You'll never believe what happened to me in there, though. When I was in the OR,
  • I came out of anesthesia long enough to catch the conversation of the surgeon with his assistant. Apparently he'd magnetized his golf clubs in the MRI scanner so that
  • he could get a better swing. I tried to signal that I was aware of the scalpel touching my skin, but I couldn't move. Then I noticed another presence, beside the doctor.
  • The presence was sexless, but had kind glowing eyes which made me feel better about lying here on this gurney. The presence pointed at me & then at itself & then upward. I suddenly
  • demanded a refund for my undelivered Amazon packages. The glowing eyes of the sexless presence grew perplexed, then enraged. "Why did you wait until the last second to order?!?"
  • it yelled. "Do I have to do everything round here? And turkeys don't cook themselves so why are you still in bed at midday?" The sexless presence was well into its stride now. "Get
  • down, get dowwwwwn!, get down get doooown!, Jungle boogie!" the sexless presence was crooning the Kool and the Gang classic. It startled us.
  • The purple penguins were addressed by name only. No chance that they would accept any other way, three years later. It was the law, goddamnit! The social justice warriors were
  • severely incapacitated by inbreed and heavy use of brick infused pillow fights. Any brains the social justice warriors had ever summoned, was being either banged or banged away.
  • Sometimes I know just how they feel.
Started
2013-12-19 16:48:06
Finished
2016-08-15 11:13:57

10 Comments

  1. Avatar

    PurpleProf Aug 15 2016 @ 16:42

    I actually was in the hospital when I started this story. I remember worrying about what dumb things I would say and do right before and after anesthesia. I may very well have sung Kool & the Gang and saw purple penguins.
  2. Avatar

    Woab Aug 15 2016 @ 17:13

    Glad you pulled through, Prof!
  3. Avatar

    StoryFascist Aug 15 2016 @ 17:21

    That sounds terrific! I need to get my hands on some of that stuff.
  4. Avatar

    lucielucie Aug 15 2016 @ 20:05

    That shows real dedication to folding, PP. Above and beyond.
  5. Avatar

    PurpleProf Aug 15 2016 @ 21:24

    FoldingStory kept me laughing through my breast cancer ordeal. It (and all of you) were a big part of my healing. :)
  6. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 16 2016 @ 03:30

    The best story on foldingstory.
  7. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 16 2016 @ 03:32

    I meant your story, which this is too.
  8. Avatar

    StoryFascist Aug 16 2016 @ 03:49

    Hear hear
  9. Avatar

    lucielucie Aug 16 2016 @ 07:38

    ...and it ain't over yet, along with the 4,450 other unfinished stories on this site :)
  10. Avatar

    Woab Aug 16 2016 @ 10:35

    We're workin' on 'em!

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