I never thought of Gladys as a friend until

I never thought of Gladys as a friend until I found she'd stapled Kim's chiahuahua's ears together just before the Worthlydale Dog Show. The Balinese Dog Dance had to be cancelled!

But Gladys had a new show idea. You take a self-proclaimed dog expert, roll him in moose blood and elk musk, give him a 1 hour head start and unleash a pack of

bloodthirsty wolves. What could possibly go wrong? Quite a lot, it turns out.

Fat Ol' Tracy tried to run from the wolves but her leg meat just rubbed together and created massive friction. She collapsed in agony from the chafing and accepted death. But then

Fat Ol'Tracy felt a smoldering ember 'tween her legs & crooned "You can't start a fire without a spark,these buns for hire...* & the wolves rejoined "even if we're howling in the

Quickiemart." Just like those wolves, too, always bringing it back to snacks when Tracy just wanted HIS snack. Well, maybe just a quick bite of

gathering 'round. Tracy wasn't going to enjoy his last snack, & he knew he wouldn't have to share it with the wolves 'cause they're not big on French Toast Crunch & 1 was gluten-in

tolerant. There's one in every wolf crowd these days. Tracy was given a minute to say some touching last words before the rope would be tighten around his hands and the dragging

, scratchy sounds of rope pulled taut over skin would shush him into stillness, but the words wouldn't come. Tracy was tongue-tied and would stay silent up until his final breath.