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The day started like any other. My alarm

  • The day started like any other. My alarm buzzed. After letting out a groan I climbed out of bed. I got dressed, ate breakfast, and got ready for work. That's when I noticed it.
  • It was sitting there staring at me. The insect I hate the most. It was a spider!
  • I was about to swat it with a newspaper when it raised its tiny front legs. "Whoa there pardner." said the spider. "Let's see if we can talk this through. Why the hate?"
  • I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe the spider was talking to me. I answered back with, "But, I am afraid of you." The spider looked at me and said,
  • "There's nothing to fear from me. I'm your eight-legged friend!" It's eight shiny eyes had a soulful look and my nerves calmed. "But how is it that I can understand you?" I asked.
  • the spider. "I speak English" it said. "I studied at Oxford, in fact" "I feel like I would have heard about a spider attending Oxford" I replied. "Maybe you should watch the news
  • more often. Channel 4 ran a segment about me last year. First spider with a doctoral degree." It told me. Since when were spiders such snobs? "For your information," I said, "I do
  • not respect the classist culture of academic elitism which has permeated our learning institutions." The spider gasped. "That sounds like something an uneducated person would say!"
  • "Well, DUHHH!" was the winning and erudite response. The spider was, for a moment, stunned into speechlessness. "Well," he eventually said. "I commend you. I must admit, I didn't s
  • ee the 90s making such a quick comeback! PSYCH!" Thoroughly pwn'd, the spiders' foes skulked home to tell of their miserable defeat. Hark! AGGRIEVE SPIDERS NOT.
Started
2015-02-06 21:41:11
Finished
2018-08-07 08:27:40

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    KieferSkunk Aug 07 2018 @ 16:56

    Wow, that was surprisingly coherent!
  2. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 09 2018 @ 15:53

    It was an accident, but I think that moral should be heeded: Spiders can fly! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRrUxi6d7so
  3. Avatar

    ValkyrieGrrl Aug 10 2018 @ 06:57

    Wow - as much as I hate spiders - and I mean I really loathe them - I found this little guy kind of sweet.

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