The day started like any other. My alarm

The day started like any other. My alarm buzzed. After letting out a groan I climbed out of bed. I got dressed, ate breakfast, and got ready for work. That's when I noticed it.

It was sitting there staring at me. The insect I hate the most. It was a spider!

I was about to swat it with a newspaper when it raised its tiny front legs. "Whoa there pardner." said the spider. "Let's see if we can talk this through. Why the hate?"

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe the spider was talking to me. I answered back with, "But, I am afraid of you." The spider looked at me and said,

"There's nothing to fear from me. I'm your eight-legged friend!" It's eight shiny eyes had a soulful look and my nerves calmed. "But how is it that I can understand you?" I asked.

the spider. "I speak English" it said. "I studied at Oxford, in fact" "I feel like I would have heard about a spider attending Oxford" I replied. "Maybe you should watch the news

more often. Channel 4 ran a segment about me last year. First spider with a doctoral degree." It told me. Since when were spiders such snobs? "For your information," I said, "I do

not respect the classist culture of academic elitism which has permeated our learning institutions." The spider gasped. "That sounds like something an uneducated person would say!"

"Well, DUHHH!" was the winning and erudite response. The spider was, for a moment, stunned into speechlessness. "Well," he eventually said. "I commend you. I must admit, I didn't s

ee the 90s making such a quick comeback! PSYCH!" Thoroughly pwn'd, the spiders' foes skulked home to tell of their miserable defeat. Hark! AGGRIEVE SPIDERS NOT.