"Blasphemy!"

"What, this?" I gestured to the flaming Bible in my hand, shocked and embarrassed. I never seem to know the right thing to bring to a housewarming and tonight was no exception.

The hostess accepted my gift with tongs. I walked in & congratulated her on the neutralness of the decor. She gave me a glass of warm Asti Spumante. My beast within reared up & I

became another victim of the Alien we'd found in the cave of creepy pods. The alien ripped through my chest and devoured the hostess. The thing was now loose in Chicago.

Meanwhile I made it to intensive care. Little did the the emergency personnel know seedlings continued to propagate in my lymph system,until a nurse noticed tendrils creeping up

over the safety bed rails. The tendrils branched out further from my body. When the ICU team arrived, everything in the room seemed to be enshrouded in a thick green blanket.

"Kid's Bran freakin' Stark!" cried the ICU team head "We need to bring in a specialist." Green Thumb Nursery were summoned, and cleared a path to the bed with the hedge trimmers

Used by Picabo ICU. The 2014 Olympic skating champion was gardening at night. The roses sang her favourite song and woke the neighbours up. She got blamed, of course, but denied

ever dating a henchman who's kink was to piss in potted plants or recently tilled flower beds. Nor did associate with any wide mouthed man. She had standards or so she claimed.

She died an old maid. Most people wondered why no flowers would grow on her grave, but one person knew why. What a weirdo he was. She was right to rebuff his advances.