Sarah was excited to finally go on her very

Sarah was excited to finally go on her very first date. She had met a man online and they had immediately clicked. Now they would meet at a local cafe. But Sarah had a dark secret.

Sarah was a kleptomaniac. She couldn't go anywhere without stealing something, like napkins, silverware, bottles of soap, and expensive diamonds. So on her first date,

Her date moved closer to the maitre d and said, "You got a get a purse first buddy." Sarah put the stuff back in her purse and coyly smiled at her date, then squeezed his

cheek. She was a MILF, after all. How else would you expect an older woman to show affection towards someone younger? Sandy and her young date sat down at the dining table

shifting uncomfortably, as the old lady touched her date's cheek. "Could you like, not?" asked Sandy with a disgusted look on her face. "You're, like, eighty....that's gross!"

the elderly woman recoiled her touch with a dejected look. "it's sad" she stated, staring not at but through Sandy "to watch someone young reject what they will eventually become

". Then she did look directly at Sandy. "As for you, I spit on you and i curse you to live your life four times ahead of time. WHich means you will age four years for every one."

Sandy looked back at the witch and said, "That's okay. Means I won't have to listen to your bullcrap for very long." She walked away, humming smugly to herself. But then,

the witch collapsed in tears. Sandy ignored this and went home, where she lived happily ever after, having learned the skill of ignoring other people's bullshit.