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I can't even look at you without getting

  • I can't even look at you without getting flustered. I didn't want to feel this way about you, but it happened. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I fell in love with you.

    7
  • She looked at me and inhaled awkwardly. "Dude, I'm in a relationship with Damien, Sorry..." Damien! I thought as she hurried off. That bastard ruined my plans for the LAST time!

    6
  • I marched off to my car, revving up the engine before slamming the door. My blood boiled and I could barely enter Damien's address into the GPS. No matter--I knew the way by heart.

    6
  • For the five minutes I was in my car, I couldn't stop shaking. My hands firmly grasped the steering wheel and I sat rigidly. Damien would get what he deserved once I arrived.

    7
  • It was past midnight when I pulled into the driveway, but the party was still in full swing. I could hear the music even from inside my car, the pounding of the drumbeats only

    7
  • made me more anxious about the explosive collar strapped around my neck. If the bass player got a little bit too funky, the whole house would be flattened. I stepped out of my car

    7
  • , opened the trunk, and put a explosive bangle around every limb, and two miniatures on each testicle. "If Imma blow up that nasty Micheal Jackson impersonator, Imma do it right."

    6
  • I swaggered into his house through awkward side-to-side movements, accommodating the miniature explosives wrapped around my testicles. Dave sat there playing the oboe. "DIE DAVE!"

    6
  • I screamed as I clapped my incendiary balls together in his direction. But Dave just sat there playing his oboe like the schmuck he was. Duds. My ball-bombs were duds. As the music

    6
  • wormed its way pass my perimeter, my ear muffs, & into my ears, I was already bringing up my reserve units to flank his Pyrrhic victory with his daughter's head in a nice hat box.

    5

7 Comments

  1. WhatTheFox May 11 2019 @ 13:14

    I actually peed my pants a little on my way to the doctors office when I read Woab's fold. Then I peed a little bit more because I read it again. That was the first time since 3rd grade that I laughed till I lost control of my bodily functions. I equal parts applaud you and curse you.

  2. ShmallzBallz May 11 2019 @ 15:28

    *face palms* So that's why my car seat smells bad.

  3. SlimWhitman May 12 2019 @ 13:44

    @WhatTheFox: But maybe its the ball-bombs? I'd have that checked by a doctor with gentle hands. p.s. I snickered 'til i had a coughing fit.

  4. Woab May 12 2019 @ 17:25

    Maybe we need to write the funky 1960's screenplay for 'Dr. Goodfeel and the Ball-Bombs'.

  5. Woab May 12 2019 @ 17:48

    Okay, I've started it here: http://foldingstory.com/nn1el/

  6. LordVacuity May 12 2019 @ 18:01

    I seconded it.

  7. Woab May 13 2019 @ 12:18

    Thank you, my dear Easter Island Head.

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