Penelope shrieked upon discovering that the

Penelope shrieked upon discovering that the most elegant fold she had ever belabored had been succeeded by a blatant, malicious act of narrative sabotage.

Penelope watched as a herd of angry mutated pandas crash through her front door. A pack of highly agitated giraffes came through the back door and through the roof came a group of

zoologists. "We're studying rampaging panda & giraffe behaviour--may we set up a hide in your bedroom?" Penelope waved her hand wearily & after much sawing & hammering a gorgeous

Trojan Panda was built. The zoologists hopped in and wheeled around Penelope's panda-and giraffe-infested room. Chinese inseminators captured the Trojan Panda for mating purposes.

Someone had to take one for the team there. Fortunately, one of the zoologists was into that sort of thing, but what happens in the fake panda in stays in the fake panda. Penelope

grabbed a knife and approached to the fake panda, hoping to find out the truth, the dark, mysterious fale panda truth. They would give her prizes for this, and she

would receive them! She grabbed the fake Panda and tore off his costume, revealing to the world that he was really a human imposter. "Well, well" said

I, as my arch nemesis, Feng Shui, stood there in his undies. I put his panda disguise aside, and the epic battle began in the middle of P.F. Chang's. Onlookers looked in awe as

I began my pre-fight good-luck ritual: stomping five times, spinning in place, and yelling "In A Gadda Da Vida" at the top of my lungs. Finally I was ready to rumble.