I’m a borderline coulrophobic (person with

I’m a borderline coulrophobic (person with an exaggerated fear of clowns).

but I'm also borderline pedantic (overly concerned with minute details or formalisms, especially in teaching). I was therefore was not looking forward to attending the clown

college reunion. I could barely still apply the white makeup. I was sure to be a laughing stock. Then I had an idea. I would bring the clown car and

fill it with as much Laughing Gas my clown salary could allow. I'll show them who's clowning around, next time they take a ride in my car I'LL be the one getting the last laugh!

The air inside my Geo Metro was so full of laughing gas that I fumbled with the door lock switches for three hours before I let the "other" clowns in. All of a sudden I heard

a sound that was probably my own inner ear imploding and passed out. The clowns, which in retrospect turned out to be EMTs carried me out of my car and

I passed out. I woke, sputtering. The auto-sprinklers had started and I was soaked. I looked around for my tormenter, rose, wished I wasn't wearing a sheer white dress and

tried to cover myself as best I could with my hands. All 3 nipples were hard as rocks which I think is what attracted the attention of

Hugh Hefner. "Hey there, trippy nippy," he said, with a twinkle in his eye. He was old, but I had always wanted to live in a mansion. We held hands all the way to Holmby Hills.