He had five minutes to find love once the

He had five minutes to find love once the competition started, but when the self-proclaimed narcissist stepped victoriously in front of the mirror & the red light buzzed a denial,

he was in denial, too, thinking quite naturally that he had won. He cooed to himself, yet another annoying trait that drove away the ladies. Smiling, he opened the two-way mirror

in the TJ Maxx dressing room. He loved looking at the old fat ones. Then he'd put his sack in the slap-chop and pound until his shoes were wet. That's when Craig Ferguson came

and then cleaned it up. Craig was a very kinky one, what with the slap-chop fetish. But he was a neat freak as well. Don't even let me get into the flowbie and shamwow fetishes

... infact, I loathed going to the county fair with him. He'd always drag me to the "As Seen On TV" tents and walk down the aisles of gadgets with a huge boner. It was embarassing

but to be his friend you have to get used to his penchant for carrying large statues of the new Speaker of the House. Eventually we ended up at the ferris wheel where

he showed me his orange boehner when we were at the top of the wheel. He tried to touch my pert pelosis, but I pushed his hand down. Biden your time, I said as I leaned in to kiss

his neck. By then we were about level with the rollercoaster which was at the top of the track. My girlfriends were sitting in the front car and yelled "lisbeth is rep-bate!"

But I was definite to end their fun. So I jumped into the roller-coaster machine and get to them, pulled the hair of one of them and said that it's not right to