The best meal I ever ate was

The best meal I ever ate was

n't the whole Mahi Mahi wrapped in banana leaves and baked under coals on a Palawan beach. It wasn't the monster burrito at Juan's Emporium on I5 just north of LA. It was

, I lied. It was the monster burrito at Juan's Emporium on I5 just North of LA. I lied because the truth was impossible. You could tell that it was a monster by the way that it

showed its teeth when it smiled. I could feel that monster burrito smiling in my stomach. I drove down the I5 noticing the glaring vehicles and the painted apes driving them. Next

to being drawn & quartered, driving in Los Angeles was the worse. These days you had to accept on faith that the San Bernadino Mountains are still there because you can't see them

leering at you from behind the smog. I used to drive to the San Bernadino Mountains all the time, back when you could see them. I had a girl up there, a crazy hippie who always

Moment of admiration, I realised the importance of having the youth understand their importance in life. I looked at the Belly Dancer, Jambalaya, and asked for orange juice and a

Piece of organic Apple pie. I just felt like eating a ketogenic diet. There had to be something better than the crap in my fridge. This was the best meal in ages.

I wrote a detailed review about that little slice of heaven and posted multiple high-res photos of it online. It was a tall order, but somebody had to do it.