It was 3:42 AM and the electronics were beeping

It was 3:42 AM and the electronics were beeping reminders about game turns and status updates. "Perhaps we should go sleep," he said. She didn't answer as he got up and got a snack

The fridge was empty. Again. The only solace Jim felt was that it would all be over. Soon. He wafted to the cupboard and grabbed some stale cereal. Seemed fitting, considering.

He was on the South Beach Diet now, and almost destitute. He went from the Hollywood Grapfruit diet, to the Atkins diet, to Slimfast shakes, the mediterranean diet. Lost friends

powers for good not evil. As the newly appointed One True Thinling he spread his size zero message across the nation. Cake, pies & sausages were exorcised from menus to be replaced

by cheese, lots and lots of cheese. The True One announced that cheese must be consumed during each and every meal, and those who abstain will be sacrificed to the cheese gods.

"When it comes to cheese, we don't screw around," said the High Mozzarella Chieftain. "Call the Deacon of Dairy!" The Deacon of Dairy emerged, sceptre in hand. The crowd hushed.

"I proclaim this to be a false cheese, for it is hard and moldy!" With the final word from the Deacon, the platter guards advances, forks in hand..

"Charge!!" All watched it splatter through the air. The platter guards held up a silver tray to block the putrid, cheesy spray. The Deacon hissed and spat acid at the onlookers

who really ought to have gotten out of the way. When it looked as though no hero could be found, a lucky deflection of a waitron's platter aimed the acidic cheese at the Deacon!