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It reminds me of the green parrots that live

  • It reminds me of the green parrots that live wild here in Silicon Valley. We have four distinct populations—with the largest in

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  • a parking lot near a Chinese place in Palo Alto on Camino Real. I go there for the hacked chicken salad. Anyhow, when I came out, my car was covered with

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  • pulled chicken in mole. It was clear that Chiquita was the culprit. She must have found about my trist with the maid. I flipped on the windshield wipers and pealed outta there

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  • . Where would Chiquita be though? Her and that damnable fruit hat. That bitch had crossed me for the last time. I was going to find her and stick those bananas, one by one, up her

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  • friend John Leguizamo's tail pipe like Eddi Murphy did in Beverly Hills Cop. I hate Chiquita. But then I saw her in person. And that's when I fell in love. Her powerful

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  • jaw muscles swam under her skin when she chewed and boy oh BOY is that the hot stuff Baby! I just can't get enough - if only I could get a closer look it really grinds my gears you

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  • know, to see bulimics eating. Bulimia Tourette's is really my thing, but my last date pointed out that that was kind of oddly specific. I guess I can see her side of things, but I

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  • don't think it really matter whether we see eye to eye on everything. Everyone needs a hobby, as they say. Some might call it an obsession, but I just happen to enjoy watching bul

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  • l running. I used to run with the bulls but since I was gored & had several feet of intestine removed, I can no longer eat capers. My correspondence with the famous bull Rami, led

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  • me to my new career: a professional letter-writer. I'm really good at bullsh*t. Most of my clients live in Washington D.C. I may have lost my intestines, but at least now I'm rich.

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