It reminds me of the green parrots that live

It reminds me of the green parrots that live wild here in Silicon Valley. We have four distinct populations—with the largest in

a parking lot near a Chinese place in Palo Alto on Camino Real. I go there for the hacked chicken salad. Anyhow, when I came out, my car was covered with

pulled chicken in mole. It was clear that Chiquita was the culprit. She must have found about my trist with the maid. I flipped on the windshield wipers and pealed outta there

. Where would Chiquita be though? Her and that damnable fruit hat. That bitch had crossed me for the last time. I was going to find her and stick those bananas, one by one, up her

friend John Leguizamo's tail pipe like Eddi Murphy did in Beverly Hills Cop. I hate Chiquita. But then I saw her in person. And that's when I fell in love. Her powerful

jaw muscles swam under her skin when she chewed and boy oh BOY is that the hot stuff Baby! I just can't get enough - if only I could get a closer look it really grinds my gears you

know, to see bulimics eating. Bulimia Tourette's is really my thing, but my last date pointed out that that was kind of oddly specific. I guess I can see her side of things, but I

don't think it really matter whether we see eye to eye on everything. Everyone needs a hobby, as they say. Some might call it an obsession, but I just happen to enjoy watching bul

l running. I used to run with the bulls but since I was gored & had several feet of intestine removed, I can no longer eat capers. My correspondence with the famous bull Rami, led

me to my new career: a professional letter-writer. I'm really good at bullsh*t. Most of my clients live in Washington D.C. I may have lost my intestines, but at least now I'm rich.