Bill O'Reilly

  • Bill O'Reilly

  • was an unfortunate name for an aspiring Green Party candidate from Texas. His campaign manager begged him to call himself William or Billy, but Bill O'Reilly wouldn't change

  • his underwear since his stint on Current Affair. People thought that he was a real journalist and he wasn't sure how he'd lucked into that, but he damn sure wasn't going to break

  • dance on street corners for a living anymore. He'd worn out enough cardboard I his day. Anyway, break dancing really hasn't been the same since the Electric Boogaloo Left town and

  • took the Sham Wow with it. What is the town's breakdance champion supposed to do without their Sham Wow? What is the world coming to

  • when half the stories on Folding Story make a reference to Sham Wows? He wondered where that bizarre thought came from as he gyrated his hips to the tune of

  • infomercial music inevitably running through his head. If he went through with this would Sham Wows turn him on in the future? Would this connection forever mean he got a semi each

  • time some black-and-white person struggled with simple chores, only for a new product to make the chore simpler and restore color too? Would he get erections whenever Billy Mays

  • name was mentioned in public? Probably. His mind reeled with the potential. God, he loved Billy Mays. Even in those last cocaine filled binge days he had hoped Billy would return

  • On a giant cloud, and float back to Earth.



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