Strangeness was rampant in Mr. Nucleon's

Strangeness was rampant in Mr. Nucleon's house. Boson trees dropped their fruit into the Fermi sea in the garden. Schroedinger's cat winked from its branches. Dark matter

filled mason jars that cluttered the shelves. A perpetual motion machine generated heat in the fireplace while Mr. Nucleon's coffee pot brewed the day's first black hole. Stranger

than a diaper found on the beach, Mr. Nucleon stroked his bald cat. It had one eye and a giant scar across its back where Mr. Nucleon's

Bag of organic honeycrisp apples was carefully put to avoid bruising. The Apple Rebellion ensued and Whole Foods was pitted against organic produce. The produce department rallied

the meat department when they flanked the Whole Foods hipsters that had gathered at the olive bar. Forcing them to retreat to the Chips/Crackers aisle where the Meat Dept. finished

. Together, they shouted, "Whole Foods is owned by Amazon!" Some of the hipsters chose not to hear it. Others were repulsed and left the store. But the cognitive dissonance was

deafening, so most people just stopped in their aisles and stared helplessly as they were jeered at, not knowing what else to do. "Toaster pastries kill babies," said a protester

. "Do they sell whole pigs here?", asked another protestor awkwardly. More chimed in: "What are we protesting again?" "What even IS a whole milk?" "Is half-and-half a whole food?"

Unexpectedly, a short, fat, bald man in red pajamas, holding a red balloon, yelled, “Is this the Half Wit Protest?” Another protestor spoke out, “Do we need a cause to protest?”

Shocked, he let go. The balloon shot up. After a deer-in-headlights moment he said “My balloon!” Pawing air like a cartoon, he swam up, nabbing it. “How the FUCK did I do that?"