Half of the audience at the midnight screening

Half of the audience at the midnight screening of the cult film's sequel weren't even alive when the original premiered. That wouldn't bother me but these noisy kids annoy me with

the way their latex lingerie squeaked as they ran up and down the aisle. It was all Janet! Dr. Scott! Squeak! Janet! Squeak! Rocky! Squeak! Brad! Squeak! Bullwinkle!

Just then Tim Curry assumed his "Rooster" persona from Annie, and

started beating Tonya Harding with a bratwurst and

sauer kraut ice skates. We had both joined the ice show at Six Flags. Backstage was the pits. All of us were losers. Even circus clowns looked down upon us. But my food skates were

the envy of Twiddles the Tongue-less Razorblade Swallower. She marveled at my sauerkraut skates & would have licked her lips if she could. Twiddles had two

phobias: the Noelco Santa that rode the electric razor in the snow, and the rumor that Gillette was going to introduce a 7 blade disposable. Both would lacerate her larynx,

and she needed that to speak at the next meeting of the Rational Fears About Razors Society. There had been another ingrown hair epidemic at the local law school, which had gotten

the media discovered the Easter Islanders hiding in the catacombs. The nuns, however, we found not responsible. They had been there the whole time! And there they would always be.