"What is this?" "Just take it." "I'm not

"What is this?" "Just take it." "I'm not kidding" "Me neither. It's a failsafe. For that kind of event, when things go pancake-shaped." "To put it mildly." Things have to be really

smoking drain cleaner truly gave you a one time, all time HIGH that just seemed to get higher and higher. Now as I looked down I saw my dandruff and gently set it on fire by

thinking about gnomes reeeellllll hard. Gnomes did the trick every time. I used to have better luck with midget strippers, but that got boring. Just another day at the office. Now

I wrestle around the lawn gnomes and patio furniture at Home Depot. I was low man at the Financial company and they tossed me out. Now I look at the power tools and

and am overcome with sadness. I had a destiny and I walked away from it the first time I walked into Home Depot. Disappointment is my only tool and it has no power. On Friday,

the day of Home Depot's big sale, I was caught stealing a small tool that I really didn't need. After the crime appeared in the local paper, I saw my future

become more and more stained by my addictions. I needed to snatch something somewhere else so I can get another batch and puff. If only the

obnoxious little girl and her stupid monkey would fall in a lake and die. Tormenting my severe OCD, whenever they say that phrase three times, I feel compulsed to flee. I hid in

a basket which was attached to a hot air balloon. I threw a dog & scarecrow out to gain height & was soon high above Munchkinland. Turned out there really was "No place like home".